I Did.

Have you ever read something someone wrote and your tears just keep falling ? I did. 

Have you ever think of someone when you wake up in the morning and wanting to start the day with that special someone ? I did 

Have you ever hold on to the necklace that someone gave and didn’t know what to do with it because you didn’t want to throw away and a part of you still hope it’s just a bad dream ? I did

Have you ever felt someone was impossible and after everything, you found out that from the very start, you have given them your heart just you didn’t realised ? I did

Have you ever looked at every hour and wondered what they are doing, have they eaten, have they knocked off, are they safe ? I did

Have you ever miss someone so badly it hurts and then you wondered if they knew and whether they miss you too ? I did

Have you ever threw away your ego and asked someone to come back to you ? I did.

Have you ever did your very best, and yet the ending was nothing close to what you expected but you still refuses to give up ? I did.

Have you ever talk to someone about an ideal future and now you just didn’t want it to be just ideal, but real ? I did

Have you ever blocked someone and yet a part of you wished they will still contact you and that you will still receive their news ? I did 

Have you been let down so many times that it’s crazy that you can’t be angry at them because when you love someone it’s impossible to hate them but forgive ? I did 

Have you ever tried to improve yourself Everyday after that special someone left, so to appear before them, maybe sometime in the future and tell them “I didn’t focus on being with someone like you thought I would, I went to make myself more lovable so can you come back to me now and we embrace all the hardship together? I did.

Have you ever..... love someone so much it hurts ? ....... Because i did. 

Beautiful Lie

I remember when I was a kid

I pretended I was asleep so adults would carry me to bed

I wrapped myself up with a blanket and pretended I was severely wounded 

I pretended I was a teacher and taught a class of imaginary students 

And I'm a doctor who conducted endless operations on my stuffed toys 

I thought raindrops were racing against each other

I thought the moon follows me everywhere I go 

I thought my stuffed toys would feel sad if I didn't sleep with them 

And I thought I would marry my first Boyfriend 

I imagined being hurt by friends that only existed in my world

I imagined myself smoking when all I'm having was pocky sticks

And I imagined myself drinking shots when all I'm having was a cup of plain water

I love to play "missing" so my family would go around the house to search for me but I always resurface before anyone could find me because I need to pee badly

I love to write neatly when I got a new pen but after awhile, I give up and resign to my usual handwritings 

And I love to showoff new toys so other kids would find me a cool friend to have and play with me

I used to sing in the shower thinking I'm a singer holding a concert 

I used to lie to my parents when I got my results so I could play one more day and leave those nagging to tomorrow

And I used to think that time only flies when it's school holiday 

I felt I'm a parent when all I took care of was my Tamagotchi pet

I felt I'm filial when I made a card for my Mother on Mother's Day 

And I felt humans live forever

I couldn't wait to be an adult 

Days turn to months and eventually years

I grew up only to be slapped by a painful truth and realized it's all a beautiful lie 

While I yearned to grow up, Parents get older with each passing day and I realized

They can't carry me for life 

And true friends are so hard to find

Getting hurt by people is part of life 

You don't necessarily get to marry your first Boyfriend

The moon doesn't follows you anywhere you go 

And there are times you just have to deal with a broken heart 

There are so much more to being a responsible and filial person

Just because you are more hardworking than others doesn't mean you can always get what you want

I don't know what in the world was I thinking when I was so eager to grow up

Forsaken Cemetery

My love for you is like an atom although it is invisible,  its there. I tried to act cool about it, but its not helping. 

I channelled all my attention on her as she stood in the nearly empty hallway pleading for you to stay.

The only source of light was from the broken window in the bedroom. 

Moon light shines brightly through it and through my heart. Somehow tears started to lubricate my eyes. 

Maybe my subconscious knew this would happen just a matter of time, or maybe i was just stupid.  

I didn't mean to intrude but i thought there was where i was supposed to be right now - by your side. 

"What is she doing there ?"  "Why are you two together?" was all i could think of.

No! No! This must be a bad dream. It has to be. As I stood motionlessly outside the window dying to see the finale i desperately hoped for.

You were my smile when i frown. 

You were by my side when she is gone.

Now, she is back and there you were; trying your every best way to revive a broken heart. 

Bandage your broken LOVE for her. 

You turned  your back and walked towards the main door. Yes Yes he is coming for me.

I wiped the tears on my face. You are coming for me. 

Once again. She dropped to her knees as she begs again. Not alone. 

Soon you were on your knees too. Why ? Why ? I refused to acknowledge the why.

My greatest fear got me. At last.

You pulled her in your arms and kissed her lips.

You whispered " I forgive you." 

I collapsed to the rocky ground as my eyes continues to be flooded by sadness.

A season finale i never wanted to watch.

I thought i found a deviously beautiful potential in love -YOU

I thought you feel it too. Maybe you did too! Just for a moment.

I was wrong. 

I carried the leftovers of my ego and vanished from "the cemetery" while convinced that "God planned it that way"